Hayden is 9 years old now and in 4th grade.
Our family moved a couple of weeks ago, which requires getting acquainted
with new neighbors. (Having two very social daughters makes it so we can't opt
out of this process.)
I don't go around telling new people that I meet, "Oh, by the way, my
son has Asperger’s." It's fairly obvious while interacting that he's a
little quirky, but there's really no reason to say anything about it. On the
other hand, making new friends that I'll be in contact with regularly made me
feel a little more pressured to give a disclosure.
Here's what I'm thinking in my head: Oh man, Hayden's meds are wearing off
and he's getting a little out of control. (in ways that are funny, and some
ways that are not so funny) The two biggest issues that I see having an impact
on the people around him are; 1. Difficulties keeping his pants dry. (I'm
trying to say this tactfully, because I just realized, that years down the
road, he may read this blog.) 2. Meltdowns about what is fair and what he did
or didn't get to do.
The funny things he does are simply the way he moves, gets excited about
things that most people don't get excited about, points out all the ironies in
the world and makes up jokes about them. (He's really funny sometimes, even
when he has to ask me if it's funny first before he tries the joke out.) The
funniest part about it is his laughing at his own jokes. When he gets laughing
he has the most wonderful belly laugh. I start laughing and within seconds he
has tears coming down his face and we are both laughing out of control.
Back to the point of my post...I realized that maybe there are a set of
questions that most people have on their minds when they first meet a family of
someone who has Asperger’s. I'm going to try to answer these questions briefly
and maybe expound on them later.
To anyone new to Asperger’s, I'd preface everything with something I read a
long time ago about it. "If you've met someone with Asperger’s or autism,
that's just it. You've met ONE person." What fascinates me most about the
autism spectrum is that it is so diverse that it is impossible to match up one
description with one random individual who would fall somewhere on the
spectrum. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google: "autism
spectrum").
When did you first realize that your son had Asperger’s?
It was during his first grade year. Prior to that, his speech development
was slow, and he would begin acting like a farm animal whenever we asked him to
say "hi" or interact with other people. We spent an entire year of
Kindergarten believing that he had ADD. Truth is, he does have ADD but as other
kids began to develop socially it became easier to spot the clues. Ticks,
rocking, always wanting to be upside down while on furniture, (just to name a
few). We finally had him tested...
What are his biggest challenges?
The challenges that my son faces are twofold. Challenges from the Asperger’s
/ Autism and challenges from the ADD.
The ADD just makes him get distracted by anything that is interesting to
him, and then gets him super focused on that one thing. Once his meds kick in,
it's much more manageable. The other challenges are much more complicated. Over
sensation, chaos and anxiety can cause a loss of sensation in the bowels
bladder causing complications with bodily functions.
He takes medication that really helps with him deal with anxiety as well as
regulating is ability to focus. As a parent, I'm extremely grateful for the
good job that our team of psychiatrists, psychologists, special ed teachers and
counselors have all done in playing a part. If we had just let him alone with
no treatment, he would act like a wild animal most of the time.
Before I knew what we were dealing with, I honestly didn't think that my son
cared about me or anything else. I felt like we were raising an animal and that
it was mostly because we were doing something wrong. I tried so hard to do
things right and to think of ways of disciplining him so that he would learn.
Truth is, he was learning all along, he just had no way of communicating what
he was really thinking.
After we learned how to communicate with him and reason with him, got him on
the right meds and got our ducks in a row, it was like magic! I had the most
wonderful son! And guess what? When I joined his world, he expressed more love
and feeling back to me than anyone could ever imagine.
I'll leave it at that for now.
