It's not so new to me anymore.

Hayden is 9 years old now and in 4th grade.

Our family moved a couple of weeks ago, which requires getting acquainted with new neighbors. (Having two very social daughters makes it so we can't opt out of this process.)

I don't go around telling new people that I meet, "Oh, by the way, my son has Asperger’s." It's fairly obvious while interacting that he's a little quirky, but there's really no reason to say anything about it. On the other hand, making new friends that I'll be in contact with regularly made me feel a little more pressured to give a disclosure.

Here's what I'm thinking in my head: Oh man, Hayden's meds are wearing off and he's getting a little out of control. (in ways that are funny, and some ways that are not so funny) The two biggest issues that I see having an impact on the people around him are; 1. Difficulties keeping his pants dry. (I'm trying to say this tactfully, because I just realized, that years down the road, he may read this blog.) 2. Meltdowns about what is fair and what he did or didn't get to do.

The funny things he does are simply the way he moves, gets excited about things that most people don't get excited about, points out all the ironies in the world and makes up jokes about them. (He's really funny sometimes, even when he has to ask me if it's funny first before he tries the joke out.) The funniest part about it is his laughing at his own jokes. When he gets laughing he has the most wonderful belly laugh. I start laughing and within seconds he has tears coming down his face and we are both laughing out of control.

Back to the point of my post...I realized that maybe there are a set of questions that most people have on their minds when they first meet a family of someone who has Asperger’s. I'm going to try to answer these questions briefly and maybe expound on them later.

To anyone new to Asperger’s, I'd preface everything with something I read a long time ago about it. "If you've met someone with Asperger’s or autism, that's just it. You've met ONE person." What fascinates me most about the autism spectrum is that it is so diverse that it is impossible to match up one description with one random individual who would fall somewhere on the spectrum. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google: "autism spectrum").

When did you first realize that your son had Asperger’s?

It was during his first grade year. Prior to that, his speech development was slow, and he would begin acting like a farm animal whenever we asked him to say "hi" or interact with other people. We spent an entire year of Kindergarten believing that he had ADD. Truth is, he does have ADD but as other kids began to develop socially it became easier to spot the clues. Ticks, rocking, always wanting to be upside down while on furniture, (just to name a few). We finally had him tested...

What are his biggest challenges?

The challenges that my son faces are twofold. Challenges from the Asperger’s / Autism and challenges from the ADD.

The ADD just makes him get distracted by anything that is interesting to him, and then gets him super focused on that one thing. Once his meds kick in, it's much more manageable. The other challenges are much more complicated. Over sensation, chaos and anxiety can cause a loss of sensation in the bowels bladder causing complications with bodily functions.

He takes medication that really helps with him deal with anxiety as well as regulating is ability to focus. As a parent, I'm extremely grateful for the good job that our team of psychiatrists, psychologists, special ed teachers and counselors have all done in playing a part. If we had just let him alone with no treatment, he would act like a wild animal most of the time.

Before I knew what we were dealing with, I honestly didn't think that my son cared about me or anything else. I felt like we were raising an animal and that it was mostly because we were doing something wrong. I tried so hard to do things right and to think of ways of disciplining him so that he would learn. Truth is, he was learning all along, he just had no way of communicating what he was really thinking.

After we learned how to communicate with him and reason with him, got him on the right meds and got our ducks in a row, it was like magic! I had the most wonderful son! And guess what? When I joined his world, he expressed more love and feeling back to me than anyone could ever imagine.

I'll leave it at that for now.

What it means to me to have a son with Autism.

I'm 33 years old.  I have an 8 year old son, and daughters 6 and 2.  I also have a wonderful lovely wife.

When our family began with our first son, I never imagined anything other than a rowdy, ruff and tumble athletic boy.  As he developed, I never scrutinized his slower development in certain areas.  He was my perfect boy and he would most certainly catch up with the rest of the kids.  Besides, coordination isn't really developed till later I thought.  Even as a pre-schooler in speech therapy only muttering cave man like sounds I hadn't the slightest notion that he could have Autism.  We found that he was very difficult to discipline and that all methods were rather ineffective.  I simply thought that he was very stubborn and strong willed.  I could always tell that he was intelligent.  Simply by the way he observed things and reacted in certain situations.  But still, there were times when he would seem to not even hear us yelling his name to get his attention.
We had his hearing tested.  It was fine.  There were times when I would stand behind him yelling his name to get him to turn around.  He would completely ignore me.  I really thought he couldn't hear me till one day stood behind him when he didn't know I was there.  I yelled his name with no response.  Then I spoke the word "candy" and he whipped right around looking to see if I had a treat for him.  He must have been about 18-20 months at that time. 

One example of the intelligence that he exhibited was when I was out doing some yard work.  I knew that there was a Black widow's web under one of the front windows.  I took a grass hopper and a stick and tossed the grasshopper into the web.  The spider came out to eat it and I took care of it with the stick.  I turned to get Hayden's attention so he could see how cool the spider was, but he was gone.  We went around the house and found him in the garage with his own stick killing a black widow that he had found in the corner.  Once he sees something that can be done, he must also try it out to see if it works.  He's rather fearless at times, but can also be extremely fearful at other times.

In my next post I'll try to explain the process of finally discovering that our son had Aspergers.  I still don't know weather I should say Aspergers or Autism.  I usually say Aspergers, but I use Autism at times when referring to being on the spectrum.

Someday, I hope that there might be a reader who finds these posts helpful or comforting in some sort of way.  If you are reading this and would like to share your own fun, funny, meaningful or touching moments about your own experiences with Autism or Aspergers please feel free to comment.  My whole purpose of this blog is to help people see how much fun and pleasant life can be when you are dealing with Autism.

Thanks for reading,

Rob